Even though Halloween is technically the first holiday we celebrated without Elli, it isn’t quite the same. It isn’t a day off and it isn’t one of those where you gather with extended family and eat a festive meal. It’s about costumes and candy and best celebrated with neighbors, I believe. So yesterday was our…

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(click photo to see all of it) This probably doesn’t make sense unless someone you have loved has died. But I have to say that even though Elli died one month ago (yesterday), part of me still doesn’t grasp that it really happened. The day we dreaded and fought to keep at bay for 8…

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CalmWaves lapSun hugsSmile peaksMemories brighten SadWaves rollRelentlessSmiles hideMemories sting High tideShore disappearsTears encircleLaughter drownsUndertow StormSeas poundAnchor lostSobs wrackDreams flee TimeWinds abateClouds dissolveSun cascadesTears dry Until?Sorrow remainsFickleUnpredictableCapricious -Joy

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Go ahead and mention my child,The one who died you know.Don’t worry about hurting me further,The depth of my pain doesn’t show.Don’t worry about making me cry.I’m already crying inside.Help me to heal by releasingThe tears that I try to hide.I’m hurt when you just keep silent,Pretending she didn’t exist.I’d rather you mention my child,Knowing…

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During Elli’s visitation a few weeks ago, someone said to me, “Oh, you don’t have any regrets.” I responded, “Actually, I do.” The assumption that anyone could honestly say they don’t have any regrets seems to me to be naive at best, flat-out-lie at worst. Despite doing the best we can, everyone makes mistakes or…

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We live in a wonderful little neighborhood in the center of our town. Families vary from couples just starting out with very young children to retirees who built the houses they still live in today. We have met almost all the people immediately around us, though we have only gotten close to a couple sets…

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