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Refrigerator Wisdom for the Grieving

We cannot ask for lives free of problems.
We cannot ask God to weave a magic spell around us
so that bad things will happen only to others
and never to us.

But people who pray for courage,
for strength to bear the unbearable,
for the grace to remember
what they still have left
instead of what they have lost
very often find their prayers answered.

It’s Okay

It’s Okay to Grieve: The death of a loved one is a reluctant and drastic amputation, without anesthesia. The pain cannot be described, and no scale can measure loss. We despise the truth that the death cannot be reversed, and that somehow our dear one cannot be returned. Such hurt! It’s okay to grieve.

It’s Okay to Cry: Tears release the flood of sorrow, of missing, and of love. Tears relieve the brute force of hurting, enabling us to “level off” and continue our cruise along the stream of life. It’s okay to cry.

It’s Okay to Heal: We do not need to “prove” we loved him or her. As the months pass, we are slowly able to move around with less outward grieving each day. We need not feel “guilty” for this is not an indication that we love less. It means that, although we don’t like it, we are learning to accept the death. It’s a healthy sign of healing. It’s okay to heal.

It’s Okay to Laugh: Laughter is not a sign of “less” grief. Laughter is not a sign of “less” love. It is a sign that many of our thoughts and memories are happy ones. It is a sign that we know our dear one would have us laugh again. It’s okay to laugh.

It’s Okay to Be You: Be yourself. Don’t try to grieve in the same way your family and friends do. Don’t try to grieve as they tell you to. Be yourself. Be content with being yourself. It’s okay to be you.

It’s Okay to Grow: Pain is a call to growth. We have a choice. We can hide from our family, our friends, or we can open our hearts and minds to be in touch with the deeper meanings of life and love. It’s okay to grow.

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