We decluttered kids’ rooms this morning. Gone is the changing table, the toddler bed, the crib mattress.

Each room has a bookshelf and books, thanks to Little Girl’s request. And both girls’ initials are on their bedroom door finally.

As I moved a dresser and changing table, I found more stains from spilled formula or spit up where Elli’s bed used to be.

Scrubbing them out, suddenly I was blinded by tears. and I sobbed in a ball on the floor. It’s been almost 11 months since I last held her in my arms. Since I smelled her skin and ran my fingers through her beautiful hair.

Cleaning her room is so difficult. Still.