Elli and ScottIt’s been three years since we gave Elli a hug and a kiss and tucked her into bed.

Three years since we heard her laugh and cry.

Three years since I stroked her hair and held her tight as she coughed through a cold.

Three years since I checked on her in the middle of the night, begged her to go back to sleep or at least be quiet, and turned on her favorite CD to play in the dark.

Elli 8th birthdayThis year I decided that I would not relive every moment of the day she died. Instead, I’m trying to be present now, love well now, throw all of me into these moments instead of wasting this time thinking too far ahead (in worry or a futile attempt to control things) or too far behind (in regret or denial of reality). God has given me today, this moment, and tells me to embrace it and live it as hard as I can.

This is the day I have, these are the people to love, this is the work to do.

I’m also reminding myself that each day isn’t one day farther from her. Instead, each day brings me one day closer to seeing Jesus and being reunited with her.

Elli and Joy in March 2008

This is life: unmasked, a weekly link-up in which we strip away pretense and share the real, nitty-gritty of life and how we’ve found hope and God even in the mess. Share your own story, photo, or video on your blog, and then link to that specific post in the linky-tool below. Then visit at least one other person and leave a word of encouragement for them in their unmasked moment.

I am linking to the post my husband wrote on the second anniversary of Elli’s death, and to one I wrote on her birthday this year.

Linked at Walk With Him Wednesday


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